I'm not gonna even lie; I woke up fresh today. Not fresh like refreshed, fresh like nasty af.
Outside of a small window of joy in the afternoon, I had a dream (essentially a nightmare) last night that really pissed me off when I woke up this morning. I totally let it bulldoze most of my day. Like a child.
I couldn't think of a better way to channel my unnecessary rage so I decided to sit down and write. Like an adult.
SIDEBAR: Currently listening to 90s Rap Pandora and extra annunciating every curse word I know in every song. It's helping.
To be honest, this rollercoaster of emotions has been going on since last week. Sharp turns, plummeting drops, excitement, high highs and loss of breath from debilitating fears, you know, the usual. Last week at least I felt like had the full moon and the entire sky to blame but I'm all out things to point the finger at this time. Also, I'm too tired to look for things to point the finger at this time. I can take the L.
This mood totally warrants a day of Frank. This mood has also felt so unnecessary and unfortunate to treat myself this way all day. You know when you KNOW you're being ridiculous? That was me today. Dragging myself for no reason at all.
lt's not always easy for me to play *stop the avalanche* when I am already a little bit of a wounded soldier. From experience, I know this universe has a real sick way of playing you and testing you until you really fucking learn. I'm grateful for it all, I really am... but my problem today is I've GOT to stop beating myself up when I don't pass the test. GOT. TO.
SIDEBAR: I bit a leg off a gummy / edible about 20 minutes ago and it just hit me. It's 6:38pm on a Tuesday and I have a Pumpkin candle lit with the windows open. *Giving self a second to take it all in.* Thanks Bear's leg. AND INSERT MOOD CHANGE. However / With that said, if my thoughts take some twists and turns along the roller coaster we're already on just be a friend and ride the ride with me.
I just had a thoughts I want to do another survey. Maybe go grab a snack? Because 1. I'm actually about to get up and eat my din. 2. It's probably going to be a long one. 3. Ya know ya girl can ramble.
SIDEBAR: Switched to Florence & the Machine Radio.
1. On which side is your toilet paper in your bathroom?
Right side. And do not even fuck with me- the paper comes from over the top. I will even fix it in other people's homes. Any other way is wrong.
2. When was the last time you fell?
OMG. DEAD. I can't believe this question just popped up. I also can't believe I didn't already tell you guys this story. It's from this summer and I'm actually still a little injured from it.
SIDEBAR: I can't even type fast enough right now and am spelling everything wrong. My nails are also a little longer than normal so I feel- without a doubt and for many reasons- exactly like this...
Peter mode activated also because since I fell I haven't been able to really work out the way I was or run, or squat, or do much of anything with any intensity that my stupid body needs to stay what I consider "my normal". I literally feel like a girl stuck in a marshmallow's body. I'm getting back ASAP. And my summer hue is almost totally gone . It's all physically just devastating me.
Back to the fall!
This actually involves my same manfriend from my Fast Lane Vomitosis Horror Story I told you guys months ago. What can I say, he clearly brings out the best in me.
So, we spent a couple days the end of the summer at his parent's summer house. It's in the woods, plain and simple. There wasn't much to do besides eat, drink, play darts, listen to music, laugh, light a fire, and F around. Which if you know me at all, add a boy I'm lovin on to that, what else do I need?
Needless to say, we had a great time. But do you remember the beginning of the Fast Lane Vomitosis Horror Story? Well, it involved me drinking too much tequila...
SURPRISE. That's the same way this one starts.
SIDEBAR: WHEN WILL I EVER REALLY LEARN? I MEAN THAT ON EVERY ACTUAL LEVEL. AND THESE CAPS AREN'T EVEN CAPPY ENOUGH FOR THAT STATEMENT.
It's Saturday night. I spent the whole day roasting at the pool and was really feelin myself, my mans and my glow. His parents were funny, super chill and easy to get along with. We (he) grilled some delishhhh pizzas, we (all of us) drank our dranks and then proceeded to some wine and cheese event at some place in the rain. We ate cheese, drank wine, danced and laughed literally all the way home.
SIDEBAR: To slightly preface the following events in this story, I'm a fan of mixed martial arts. (UFC, for the generic birds.) A Joe Rogan Fan too but that's a WHOLE 'nother story. It's also a well known fact that I pride myself on "knowing how to escape a rear naked choke".
We smoked a little and were obvi still laughing. His parents are now inside and my manfriend is play fighting / messing with me on the deck which was still a little slippery from all the rain. He shifts behind me and put me in a choke and as I recall from my tequila / wine / cheese / pizza filled haze I guess I thought it was a good idea to hang onto his forearm and make my escape move.
It was then that I proceeded to (what I thought was) duck under his arm to throw my body in front of him and escape the choke. Well, he wasn't holding all that tight because this is not the UFC. His arms went down and… THIS ASS WENT ASS DOWN TOO.
UNGRACEFUL AF + AWKWARD 4L.
On the way down, my lifeless, Don Julio riddled left leg slipped on the deck, my knee bent in and that's how that all went down. I totally felt the pain instantly but him and I both laughed to literal tears at me... he picked me up, we laughed some more, went inside and giggled to sleep.
Fast forward: I woke up 5:30 in the morning to pee and drink my water and I couldn't even stand. So I cried. Obviously.
Long story short (from what I know now), I sprained my knee.
Kicker is, the next morning when I was hobbling around / fighting back tears in front of his parents / sitting with an ice pack from his mother on my knee; homeboy didn't even remember me falling. AT ALL. Because he drank too much. He's kind of a shithead but I also could be a lush and a clumsy ass bitch.
3. Favorite kind of sandwich?
EASY. GRILLED CHEESE. Or a turkey BLT with avocado. Chicken cutlet, broccoli rabe, mozzarella & balsamic. MOUTH-WATER. Maybe a grilled long hot or 2 on there too, depending on the mood. Or.. Oh God, lightblub. This might make most of you gag but I have to say it... I USED TO LOVE liverworst with mustard on rye bread. Sorry not sorry, that's from my Grandpa and Dad. LOVED IT when I was little. But damn, I don't even know the last time I had it. It's so foul to even think of or look at that actual meat paste. I will never EVER Google what's in it. *I might delete this when I read it over.*
SIDEBAR: I didn't delete it.
4. What is your zodiac sign?
Ahhh. I'm a liverworst eating SCORPIO. A Scorpio born on Halloween at 11:58pm. Absorb that.
SIDEBAR: I never listened to that bullshit people said a few years ago about your sign changing. I'm a Scorpio through and through. Don't go adding a new sign to the mix because I don't buy or respect it.
5. Do you wear a robe?
Wow, what a question! I LOVE a good robe. I have at least 3 for every season and one with a hood that you literally can disappear into. The hood comes down so low, it's honestly the ultimate hibernation prop. If it wasn't pink, it would be a phenomenal way to scare anyone.
LOL, I don't know what that is from but that is ME AF. How do I even find this shit?
Crap. I just realized it's 8:42pm.
This is Us is going to start and I need to shower today's freshness off so I gotta jet!
Glad I decided to write today instead of pout around in a mood. I try to cut the hate with love when I can control it and today it worked. A little proud. Like a baby.
Thank you for listening.
I will totally continue this survey next week when I don't have a show that makes me want to bleed out or cry to watch.
LOVE YOU MORE THAN PIZZA.