21: There's only one way to spell NO.
Posted on 16 January 2019
Sometimes when I'm writing and I'm really passionate / fired up about something, my brain moves too fast for my fingers. I lose track of my thoughts easily and I can't keep up with myself. Runaway train, literally.
This subject is getting to be more and more of an issue for me. I think it's because I am fully aware of it now. VS. having fell a victim to it or being trapped by it in the past-- but regardless, I'm going to do my best to use my words. Because it's not okay and I want to talk about it.
I think most of us can agree that we're all, in some way, by any and many definitions of the word, seeking love.
SIDEBAR: If you don't agree with that statement keep reading, it's not my point.
I, along with people who have a beating functioning heart (my last 2 exes excluded) look for an emotional connection. Something deeper, something that feels real. Romantic, platonic, a bird you talk to outside your window (I do that), something or someone that makes you feel good. Can we agree that love or a connection, in it's most general definition, is something we all crave?
Okay. So with that said, in the current state of affairs aka the "hook up culture"
SIDEBAR: I hate that term. If I can think of a better one while I'm writing this I'm going sidebar it in whenever I do.
or whatever the F you want to call this broken down, 2 wheeled short bus that I see dating as right now-- it could be difficult to find someone with the same values when it comes to relationships. Not that I'm actively looking or currently interested in even holding more than a few texts with someone here and there, it ain't easy. To simplify it even further, people just don't know how to act. They rarely did, but it's truly fading faster and faster.
To me, this "hook up culture" is what has directly effected people's approach to dating. Not only their warped definition of what dating is, I mean their literal approach to another human being. Call me old school, but half assed attempts, hit-em and quit-em dating apps and DMs ain't where it's at.
SIDEBAR: Listen, I'm not saying that you can't just sleep with someone and be done with it, to each his own. I'm also not saying that everything needs to be headed to the alter or nothing at all-- but this casual shit is not for me. At this stage in my life, I'm not sleeping with you unless I love you. Period. Do I sound like a Puritan? GOOD. It's been over a decade since "that wild summer in my 20s where I had a lot of fun at D'jais" so I'm obviously good. Besides, you should be treating your body like a temple, not a fucking trash can but that's a WHOLE 'nother story.
SIDEBAR PT2: Second disclaimer, because; no trolls. Let me just say right now that I do not hate men. I don't hate anyone for that matter. And I am not talking about all men right now. I'm solely speaking from my own recent experiences in hopes to connect to others experiencing the same thing. If this offends you, you're the problem.
Lately, I've find myself in conversations with guys who:
1. Are unable to correctly identify emotions and take responsibility for them.
2. Instantly throw a bitch fest and a hissy fit when their mediocre attempts are not met with the response they're expecting or think they deserve.
SIDEBAR: Rule #1-- Don't expect shit from anyone. No one owes you shit.
3. Have shitty intentions and try to manipulate people to get what they want.
4. DO. NOT. KNOW. HOW. TO. TAKE. NO. FOR. AN. ANSWER.
HOW CAN I TYPE LOUDER THAN CAPITALS????!???!!?!??!??!??
Yes, while points 1-3 are all irritating and extremely aggravating, for me, they do not slightly compare to the rage I feel when #4 is not respected.
And this was was my caption:
Disclaimer: I usually do not engage with blatant idiots but somebody had to be the example. THE STORY: Today a complete and total stranger (on my private acct) told me, amongst other rude comments out of nowhere, to FUCK OFF bc I wouldn't give him my number and or go out with him. After me politely telling him I wasn't interested WEEKS AGO, he felt the need to keep asking, badgering and throwing himself a pathetic little pity party all alone in my DMs as if I would feel different and or sympathetic? NOPE. You're wrong. Wrong girl. Not only did I put your chat on silent WEEKS AGO, you turned me off further when I wasn't even interested to begin with. Lines and lines of unreplied messages is a sign you're in this alone, bro. I can tell you aren't that bright but do you realize that? Which brings me to my real point... What about the word NO is so hard for people to understand? And why am I the bad guy for simply not being interested? Furthermore, who the fuck do you think you are taking out your obviously sick personal baggage on a complete stranger? I chose to not tag this person bc I feel as though their life is most likely embarrassing enough but let me make something very clear... I don't care if it's a text or God forbid something physical, NO MEANS FUCKING NO. One more time for the cheap seats in the back, NO MEANS NO! So homeboy if you're reading this, YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE. How's that for me being "the worst"?! Oh yea, and I'm 32. Get out of grown woman's DMs and go out and meet human beings like a normal person. | #nope #boybye #blocked #rant #greevingcards
WHICH BRINGS ME TO MY POINT:
I am sick to death of the guilt trip laid on a female that comes after denying a guy. It is NOT OKAY for you to put me down after you fail to understand the simple truth. If I turn you down-- be it repeatedly, after realizing I'm not feeling it or from the jump-- I do it kindly, honestly and with respect for other peoples feelings. I get it, no one likes to be rejected... but be the fucking man you claim you are, take the L and keep it moving. More importantly, how you take it is your problem, not mine.
Nowhere in the Handbook of Life does it claim that you should take a shot at someone just because your ego got burnt. Furthermore, if you had listened to or respected my feelings from the first time you asked me out, we wouldn't even be here. Especially considering I have never, EVER given you any reason to think otherwise.
THE BACK STORY THAT WAS THE LAST STRAW.
There has been someone in my life who has been trying to make it happen with me for years. An acquaintance of mine that wasn't always on his bullshit but I mean, trying for YEARS. So long that it's straight astonishing he is even still trying. Not only have I been in relationships, which he has known about and respected at the time, I generally am just not interested in the fucking guy- nor will I ever be. And he has heard that answer plenty of times before.
The fact that I'm not interested? THAT IS OKAY. THAT IS MY RIGHT AND THOSE ARE MY FEELINGS. Nowhere in the Handbook of Life does it also say that you have to give a chance to everyone that likes you and thinks they are worthy of the job. That'd just be bizarre. You like what you like and you want what you want. Plain and simple. You shouldn't have to explain your reasoning to anyone.
Why does everything have to be defined anyway? I said no. NO IS THE SHORTEST WORD IN THE DICTIONARY THAT CAN BE USED AS A COMPLETE SENTENCE. There is nothing else to say. The conversation begins and ends with that word. This isn't "let's make a deal". Or better yet, that other show-- "let's beat her down till she caves".
SIDEBAR: Idk if NO is really the shortest word in the dictionary that can be used as a complete sentence but for the purpose of this discussion, it is. Sounds like it could be true? I will get back to you on that.
SIDEBAR PT2: I'm also fully aware that everyone has a different copy of said Handbook of Life. And that some people have no Handbook, just a half a brain and some bad ideas. Also that this Handbook I keep referencing doesn't exist.
SIDEBAR PT3: Wouldn't it be a lot easier if there was a basic Handbook everyone followed? Written by me? Hmm...
Back to the story-- For the 5,923,562,087th time in my life, last weekend he approached the subject. Via DM (insert eye roll and teeth suck) and he asked me when I'm going to "come to my fucking senses" and that he "doesn't understand what's wrong with me".
SIDEBAR: THIS FIRE IS REALLY INTENSIFYING.
3. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME? What makes you think there is something wrong with me? Because I'm not interested in you? OH RIGHT, 4 YEARS LATER, THAT MUST MEAN I'M THE ODDBALL WITH A PROBLEM.
That is literally not the way this shit works.
I then told him in English, word for word as follows; "I DO NOT WANT TO DATE YOU. NOT NOW, NOT EVER. HOW ELSE CAN I SAY THAT? SO STOP IT." He proceeded to say a few unfavorable remarks and ended with telling me to "GET OFF MY HIGH HORSE."
So let's all get this straight. It's okay to now knock me down because I said no? All of a sudden I ain't shit and am now riding a high horse? But 4 years and 2 minutes ago you wanted me? Right? I was just checking.
And that was my exact response.
He had nothing to say after that. A while later I laughed and blocked him. Because if I didn't laugh at this shit in my life, I'd murder everyone.
I DON'T NEED ANYMORE FRIENDS.
SEATS TAKEN, BYE.
Now had this happened to a past version of me? It would have effected her way differently.
For starters, she didn't have a platform to talk about it.
All GaGa's aside, past versions of me had way less confidence. She was a little clueless to the manipulations of life and blindly trusted everyone equally. She sometimes ignored bad vibes for mediocre attention even if it was a part of a situation that didn't flow naturally. She was honestly a little desperate and pretty naive. She would have totally second guessed herself down into a negative thought spiral.
"Maybe there is something wrong with me?" "Maybe I should just go, he must really like me if he keeps trying?" "Maybe he is a nice guy" "Maybe I need to apologize?" "Damn, now I feel like a piece of shit."... and so on and so fourth.
I would have made plenty of excuses for his insecure and generally ridiculous behavior all while taking responsibility for someone else's ludicrous feelings and unjustified response just because I spoke my truth. Then I would have felt bad about "being the bad guy" even though I had already said no years ago.
But, when it comes down to it-- he's not a nice guy. He's disrespectful and selfish with a disturbingly large sized ego. Three qualities in capital letters on my GTFOH List. He insulted me and my integrity because he couldn't handle the truth.
I guess what I'm getting at is this...
I not that girl.
I am not the girl you think you're gonna break down.
I am not the girl who will eat your disrespect and let it make me second guess myself.
I am not the girl who is going to sit back and not call you on your shit.
I am not the girl who is answering your DMs or who you'll find on a swipe for a quickie.
I am NOT THAT GIRL.
If you're looking for someone like that, keep walking.
LOVE YOU MORE THAN PIZZA.
SIDEBAR: After an extremely brief Google search, it doesn't say anywhere that NO isn't the shortest sentence so I'm sticking with my theory. Smart AND articulate. Learn something new every day. #GOALS.