"A day late and a dolla short." - Unknown origin because I don't feel like Googling. (But ME, most days.)
Life happened last week and my schedule was upside-down. Totally missed you boos! Let's just skip right over that and get to the point:
RYAN AND BLAKE, PLEASE HOLD ON. JOHN AND CHRISSY, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.
Ok fine, not exactly devastated but it makes me sad for them and brings up a ton of real world questions. When did life get so complicated? Who has the blueprint to figure it out? Why do we grow apart? How do we grow apart? What happens to the love when you split? Where do you put it? What happens when the feelings of wanting to commit murder subside and you're just sad? What helps you forgive yourself? How do you move on? More importantly, when did I become Carrie Bradshaw?
SIDEBAR: I probably know AT LEAST 78% of the lines to this show and I am so proud of that fact. Oh, both movies too. Even though the second one is over the top and kinda dumb for believing Carrie would EVER run into Aiden that far from home and it's mainly a fashion show but is still kinda like bad pizza... if you're in the mood, anything will do.
Along this road called life, a girl can't help but wonder... (I just giggled). No but seriously, we've all been there. The situations, characters and specifics change between each of us but heartbreak is heartbreak. How do you get yourself up and out of it? Celebrity or fake blogger like me or regular Ralph, we're all human and somehow in order to move on we all have to find the best way to process through our emotions.
SIDEBAR: Unless you're my ex? And just don't ever process anything? And are petrified to be alone because you constantly need your sick ego stroked? Or you're too delusional to face any realizations about yourself? And then get engaged to the next thing you bump into? That's actually a true story. Not my path, not my problem but it was a pretty solid reference of what NOT to do in life. 1,000 SAVAGE POINTS FOR ME.
I digress... In my opinion, the root of healing is finding self love after chaos and believing in the bigger picture. This happened to you because life is FULL of lessons and you're never done learning them or learning about yourself. In order to heal, you must face the truth as ugly as it may be. Somewhere along the line you lost love in yourself, lost worth and you ended up in a less than desirable situation. For me, I always knew somewhere in my mind "This isn't for me" but I silenced that voice. I will NEVER silence that voice for anyone. So ya cry a little and allow yourself to feel sad but then you just have to get up and DEAL.
Without facing any of your hardships head on you subconsciously chose to go down a path of resentment, self pity and will more times than not deal with the broken pieces in the wrong ways. At the end of the day, if someone hurts you- let them. That is their karma to burn off, not yours. Ultimately the way other people act has nothing to do with us. It's more about people defining themselves and you being brave enough to see it, realize the truth and remove them from your path when it feels icky.
It's easy to get caught up in something you shouldn't be in. Parts of it feel right and we imagine the other pieces will just come together eventually. Or sometimes we just want the company and don't realize how much we're participating in our own self destructive behavior by accepting less than we deserve until it's too late? We know when we see the flags but we have also learned how to ignore them in ways we've defined as "compromising". When do you know if it's something you should compromise or if it's something you should label as a deal breaker? Falling in love with someone's potential is falling in love with a lie. And MY GOD, I've done that a lot.
I think when you have finally found the confidence in yourself, the red flags don't stay red flags, they become deal breakers because you know you deserve better and you're just not beat for the bullshit anymore.
I think we can all agree the silver lining to a soul crushing heart break is the clarity you receive.
You now know what you want.
You now know you are resilient.
You now know you have an inner beast mode.
You now know what you deserve.
You now are also at least 180-300lbs lighter for kicking that dickhead to the curb.
Let's end with a recent (few months ago) embarrassing but now funny story to tie this all together. I've only told this to a few people...
So-- I am casually (Maybe? Maybe it's not that casual? Idk but he's funny so whatev) dating someone. We like to eat and we like to drink. Normal. So we go out one night and drank more than we ate and that for me is usually either a recipe for a lot of drunk fun or a night with my head in the toilet. We had a blast.
SIDEBAR: Let me just state that at the age of 32 I am not trying to black out or lose control. Acting my age most of the time, not my shoesize, especially on a date. However, I am fully aware that when the right variables collide I will be in trouble. Well on this particular date, I ignored the lack of food intake and drank my body weight in oz of tequila.
Fast forward to the morning, we both wake up at noon feeling like hot trash in a dumpster the middle of August. Embarrassing PART 1. We go to get lunch and for some reason, my go-to hangover food (A buffalo chicken wrap with waffle fries. I'm such garbage.) is not enticing me. I spend the entire lunch getting down 2 fries and 4 ginger ales (because it's the only thing that's making me feel better.) Embarrassing PART 2. We wrap up my food Embarrassing PART 3, pay the bill and roll out. After lunch, I continue on my way home. Said gentleman lives a little more than a half hour from me so I have a further-than-I-wanted-to-be-driving-in-this-condition drive home ahead of me.
5 minutes from home, on a main highway (The Garden State Parkway) and my mouth begins to water. I burp pure ginger ale flavor. And then it hits... I'm going to puke. Embarrassing PART 165.
SIDEBAR: I LOATHE PUKE. My own, a friends, my dog's, a child's, probably Leonardo DiCapario's.
As ladylike as possible I will try and continue...
0.5 seconds later, I burp again but it wasn't a burp. I now have a mouth full of vom, am in the fast lane, and am frantically searching my car for a bag, cup, or anything I can spit this puke into. For 0.2 secs I debated spitting it into my purse but that was quickly vito'd with a roll down of the window. So, I decide to spit it out the window... at 75mph. The attempt was successful for the most part but there was some left over chunky debris I was pretty alarmed by. Embarrassing PART 14,563.
I escaped. Score.
Merely a short 5 seconds after that, I get the same feeling, in the same fast lane, doing the same speed. This time, the delivery is not so lucky--- in throwing my head out the window, I covered my face, hair, car door both inside and out, clothes and body in throw up. Embarrassing PART 703,289. Cue tears. Just in time to pull off the parkway with all my windows down because the smell is MORTIFYING ME, I proceed to get home, clean myself up, then my car until I was able to take it to get detailed. All while still crying.
BTW in all my years, this has never happened to me before.
First and last, making sure of that.
The moral of the story is- LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES. If you know something is going to hurt you, JUST FUCKING LEAVE IT.
Love you more than pizza.